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It’s that time of year again

April 24, 2011

The BF is probably the only one who can claim to know exactly what my reaction to bugs is. I mean, I’m confident in saying that most girls are scared of bugs, or at least kinda skeeved out by them. My reaction to most of them goes far beyond that. It’s closer to screaming in terror and sometimes crying or retching, and always dancing around like one is trying to camp out in my pants while I try to get away from whatever flying menace is after me.

Before you say that it’s an overreaction, imagine that every single time you stepped outside, insects actively seek you out. There is no such thing as a bug just flying by, or minding it’s own business even though I’m not killing it or otherwise bothering it. They look for me like ants look for sugar, and then they swarm me.

There have been at least four times within the past year that I’ve had to pull over while driving because the second I opened the window, a bee or a wasp flew in and went immediately down my shirt. Once, this resulted in getting hit on by a guy who was passing as I was digging in my shirt to get the effing wasp out. He didn’t realize the bf was in the car, and the bf wasn’t happy. It was hilarious. So of course it turned into my laughing AND crying as I was getting stung over and over again trying to get the stupid thing out.

One of the worst, grossest, nastiest bugs that I cannot stomach is the cicada. Other states get them only once every seventeen years. Guess when we get them, here in hell’s buggiest swampland? EVERY YEAR. They started leaving their shells around a few weeks ago, and for some reason I didn’t realize what was about to happen. Otherwise I would have made BF the Designated Gardener, and I would have spent the rest of the summer locked up in the most secure room in the house to avoid being near/seeing/being LANDED on by those disgusting bugs.

They’re kindof puke-pink colored when they come out of their shells, and they don’t move very well for a while after emerging. They’re sluggish, but man it stings when those things fly into you at top speed because they’re competing to see who can get the best shriek.

I usually go outside in the very early morning to take care of the plants because it’s before the wasps start moving, and if you just read those last few paragraphs, you know they love to see who can scare me the most. I think their goal is to get me to pee myself. Not gonna happen, wasps.

So yesterday I went outside to do my morning routine (not realizing the bane of my existence was around yet), and I couldn’t go into my garden structure because of this:

No it isn’t a good picture. It was taken from as far away as I could get with the zoom as high as it would go. I took about seven pictures of it because my hands were shaking and this is really the only one that came out. He kept MOVING. Every time I took a picture, he’d inch closer and closer to look at me. Eeeeuuuggghhh.

I can hear them buzzing outside right now, sometimes it’s so loud it almost hurts my ears. They must know I’m talking about them.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. mary permalink
    April 24, 2011 12:45 pm

    I know what you mean about the ugly, creepy cicadas. I was a newly hired letter carrier in Va. when they hit their 17 year cycle. Ugh! Those things were flying around like locusts on one street while other streets had not a one. To get to the door mail slots you had to swat them away with the mail in your hands so that you could deliver to the address. Then, several weeks later, after they reproduced and finished their life cycle, they all fell to the ground. That was followed by days of delivering mail and hearing the crackling of dead cicada carcasses under foot as they started to drop from the trees and wherever else those horrid creatures were hidden in their short life span. Coincidently, I quit working for the post office after that experience and swore I would never do that job again. Guess what- I am eating my words and now deliver mail for the USPS in Florida where cicadas grow to the size of a sports arena!!!

    • April 25, 2011 5:41 pm

      Eeewww! I don’t think our cicadas get that bad down here, but hopefully I won’t have just jinxed myself after saying that.

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